They have not been carefree months, friends. I think once you start working for yourself, that fear of never working again because actually I suck is never very far away. I had some of that. I had more than one meltdown about money. I had some general doubts about what the heck I was doing with my life.
But it turns out there was a point to all that. That time was a gift. Time to work on developing the habit of spending time with God and listening to what He has to say. To develop the reflex of turning to God instead of giving in to the fear. So much harder to do than it sounds. And I'm still not very good at it but I am definitely better.
Turns out that for me, the best way for me to be in God's presence is by writing things down. Hello! *smacks forehead* I am a writer after all and I always use words to work mah stuff. So yes, it's perfectly logical and maybe I'm SLOW but better late than never, right? SO. I have my journal, I have some great music, I have some quiet time (thank you school and excellent subsidized daycare system) and I have this book called Jesus Calling.
Full disclosure: I was doing some research and I discovered quite a few folks who are disturbed by it calling it "dangerous" and "occult-like." As if the author is trying to replace the Scriptures with her own words. I disagree. And I digress. ANYWAY.
This book has been incredibly helpful for me. The other tool I use is this app written by Ann Spangler. Someone else recommended it to me and I LOVE it.
It takes practice to build a good habit. So I'm practicing. I am also working on memorizing verses. So far I've got "Jesus wept" (heh! we church kids know that as the shortest verse in the Bible), John 3:16 and I'm working on this one:
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. -Psalm 37:7
I read this for the first time about a month ago and I love it because it makes me feel better about all the crap that goes on in the world. Example: when I think about Syria, hotbed of wicked schemes right now, this verse gives me some hope. I don't watch the news or read the paper anymore (it's a PPD thing) but I know what's going on and this verse soothes what troubles me.
Voilà. That's what I have on my mind right now. Along with school lunch ideas, pumpkin spice anything and starting to save money for a turkey.
Oh and we made all of Alice's soothers disappear yesterday. (DAH SUCE!) She protested more than her big sister did but then it was over. And she went to sleep. Fingers crossed she does it again tonight.
Wish us luck! And wishing you peace, dear readers. In whatever form you find it.